Sir Thomas Urquhart (1653) Logopandecteision. Book IV: Chryseomystes, or The Covetous Preacher. Pages 55-54.

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The fourth BOOK




C H R Y S E O M Y S T E S,


The covetous Preacher.


The rigour of the Scotish Kirk, beyond

that of the Churches in former ages, is shewn

to have very much obstructd the Authors design, in
the emission of this new Idiome, and other
Tractates of that nature.

1. HERE I OMIT the Kirks denuding me of my Heritable right of Patronage to the Churches of the Shire, whereof my Predecessors have above these two decades of Ages been both Hereditary Sheriffs and sole proprietaries : as likewise to make mention of the five Chalders rent of additionall stipend, any year worth 500 l. Scotch, which the Minister of Cromartie hath no, more then his foregoing Incumbent in that Charge did enjoy.

2. I will only speak a word or two of my two other churches, which when seperated in former times, and those of late too, had but 300 l. Scotch of allowance betwixt them both, which neverthelesse was a great matter then in proportion to the little stock whence it was to be educed ; and therefore togither with other more relevant causes, were by a commission to that effect by the Parliament then sitting in the year 1617. united into one, and ordained after the decease of either of the two, that then preached in them, to have the cure of them, served singly by the Survivor, and so consecutively from one another, by one alone.

3. But when the stipauctionarie tide, immediately after the Duke of Hamiltouns unluckie ingagement, begun to overflow the Land, and that I thought with sufficient Bulwarks of good argument to have stayed the inundation thereof, from the two foresaid half Churches I was violently driven, like a feather before a whirlewind, notwithstanding all my defences, to the sanctuary of an inforced patience.

4. For though I did put in these subsequent reasons, against the disuniting, and adjectitious provision of the aforesaid two Churches.

First, that both parishes togither are but three miles long, and one of the churches therof (called the Kirk of Cullicudden) seated in the middle (or near by) so that the dwelling hous of the remotest parishioner of either of the parishes, will not be above a mile and a half distant from that church, and yet within 40 miles of that place, and that in a plain country, there are of those whose dwelling house in the parish, is sixteen miles distant from the parish Kirk.

5. Secondly, that there are not thirty six ploughs labouring in both, and when acknowledged to be united, they shall be fond the least parish in the Country, both for rent, people, and bounds.

6. Thirdly that these two have been but one parish (by all appearance) from the beginning ; for Cullicudden is built after the fashion of a Church, but that other (now called Kirkmichel) is in its edifice like but to a Chappell.

7. And forsooth, it was nothing else but a Chappel, which one of my predecessors, in the time, that the Romish Religion was universally professed in Scotland, caused to be built for his own ease of devotion.

8. For having a pretty summer dwelling adjacent thereto, within the precinct of the parish of Cromartie, and three miles distant from the church thereof, he chused rather then weekly to go so far to hear mass, and other such liturgies, as, on the Sundays, and many festivall days, are amongst the Catholick Romans till this hour in use, to be at the charge of that petty Fabrick, and the maintenance of a Chaplain, whereby, with the lesse labour to exercise his devotion at his own doores.

9. And in testimony thereof, my father, not thinking it should have been at any time destinated for a parish Church, but a place only for preaching, wit the more ease to the auditorie caused it to be made as much longer as it was before, which evidently sheweth, it being the shortest church as yet in all the country, that it could not at first have been but a Chapel.1

10. Nor is it to be thought strange, why my Ancestors of late have been pleased to expend so much on structures, to a religious end ; seeing as my father, who was the first protestant that ever was of our house bestowed the charge of the additional length of the half of the whole of that chappel, which now they call a Kirk, and as some of my progenitors, bestowed all those lands in the parochin of Rose Marknie which are now in the Possession of Robert Leslie of Finrasie upon the Bishop Dean and Chapter of Ross, and that others of them were at the cost of building the churches of Cromartie and Culliculden, and may other monuments, betokening their zeal to the Romish faith then professed : so amongst their forefathers, were there severals of our familie, who before the days of Christ, in the same foresaid parishes, founded many Temples, delubres, and fanes, for sacrificing in the groves, and high places to Iupiter, Iuno, Mars, Pallas, Mercurie, Venus and Diana, the reliques whereof are as yet in my Land obvious to the eye of any curious antiquarie, and so much extant till this day as by the circularie oval, Triangulary, or square figure, together with the various manner in situation of the stones, will to an intelligible Mythologist, and well versed in rites of old, make it easily discernible, to which of the Heathenish deities the respective dedication was made.

11. That in my bounds should be seen remainders of so great antiquity, is much : yet is it more to have them in a Country so remote from the territories of the Theonomothess, and Legislators of the divinity of the Ancient Poets ; but most strange of all it is, that in my Lands should be found of those, who (though they can neither read nor write) will neverthelesse be able to exchange discourse with any, concerning the Nature of the Heathenish deities, and afford pertinent reasons for the variety of Sacrifices, and other circumstantial points usual to be performed in the days of old.

12. I asked them how they came by this knowledge, they told me, that their fathers taught them it, who had it from their progenitors, unto whom (say they) it was derived from their first fore-fathers, that accompanyed my predecessors Alypos, Beltistos, Nomostor, Astioremon and Lutork in their aboriginarie acquest of the Land of their Ancestors residence, and in this their relation, they were so punctually exact, that some of them by Nomenclature, in a Lineall pedigree from Father to Son, of above threescore severall persons, instructed their dependence upon our family, in one and the same Land, three hundred years before the days of our Saviour.

13. That this is very probable, and that none hath a more ancient Tenandrie then my self, I doe rather beleeve it, that both historie, and the most authentick tradition we have, avoucheth the first Labourers, and manurers of that Land, to have come along with my ancestors Beltistos, Nomoster and Lutork, and for their good service done, especially to the last of those three, received Leafes thereupon in the quality of yeomans, who were so well pleased with what they got, that after they had most contentedly spent the best of their age, when decrepit years did summon them to pay their last due to nature, they bequeathed unto their children the hereditarie obedience they did owe their master, to whom they left their blessing, and best wishes.

14. Which proved so effectual in advancing obsequiousness on the one side, and protection on the other, that in his posterity they were most fortunate, from generation to generation, and so deeply ingaged to each, in the long continuate succession of our house, that the children of their children, in a subsecutive progress of Dad to Brat, and Sire to Suckling, have, til this houre, through so vast a flux of time, remained tenanciarie enjoyers for pay of those their respective rooms, without any interruption of assedation, or breach of Lease, which, at the expiring of any 5 years end, might (unwronged the late possesser) have been bestowed on any other.

15. I have Farmers, who, albeit neither they, their Fathers, nor fore-fathers ever payed to me, or any of my predecessors, above fifteen pounds sterlin a year, dwell neverthelesse in the self same house, which hath been inhabited by their Ancestors, from parent to child, above nine hundred years together, though none of them ever yet had a lease for above five years.

16. But of such, as have removed a furlong, or two from the place of their progenitors abode, there are that can reckon, in their own familiar pedigree, a row of antecessors who have have dwelt in that country above a thousand years beyond that time.

17. Although this constancy of residence be commendable, yet doth it carry along with it this disadvantage, that the progenie of these firm abiders, is always of a small extent, for the most part, as may appear by seven or eight several surnames, in two parishes of my Land, wherof scarce one was ever heard of in any other place of the world.

18. The reason hereof proceedeth from that, when at first (after the manner of the plantation of the Israelites in the Palestine each Tribe by it self) my predecessor had assigned to every family a part, its own allotted parcel of ground, they very suddenly took such deep root therein, that to their successors they left an irremovable ascriptitiarinesse to the soyl in which they had been ingraffed.

19. Each Hamlet by that means, decenarie, or Wapentake (to use the Saxon word) having its peculiar Clan (as well call it) or name of a Kinred, none whereof will from that portion of Land, bouge with his will to any other, upon never so great advantages offered unto him, the interflitting from one parish to another, though conterminal, being of such a mutual displeasingness, that all, and each of them esteem of it, as of an extrusive proscription to the Barbadoes, or depulsorie exile to Malagask.

20. It is amongst such of both sexes, that are found some Philarchæan Zelots, whose pristin, and breborian customs, savouring of superstition, manifest great antiquity, many of them endeavour the prosecuting of good ends with an upright intention by exolet, and Palephasian means utterly exploded : which seccessive course of sanctimonial dutie hath successively been followed by man with such inveterate proneness, that some of our Neoterick sacriolatries, have been much scandalised at the hereditariness thereof.

21. We, for being Christians, ought to avow that those ways (although such as were trod upon with great observancie by the antient Gentils) should nevertheless, for deviating from the streight paths of the present profession of the Country, be nothing at all relyed upon ; because they were excogitated by the only wit of man : so for the same reason and faith we owe to him, who is the truth as well as the way, should all of us endeavour to be upright in our judgement, and not to determine rashly of a fault, but to consider thereof according to the nature of its delinquencie, without aspersing it with the guilt of another crime.

22. To punish a Fornicator for murther, or a Theef for Fornication, is an act of injustice ; because the first begetteth rather then kills, and the other rather takes then gives ; and to chastise one for an offence, which he hath not committed, is a meer oppressing of the innocent : for that whatever secret sin he have, that may deserve it from above, it is without any cause, knowne to him that inflicts the Correction.

23. So is it, that we may esteem that censure unreasonable, and injurious, which imputes to Sorcerie what meerly proceeds from the frivolous practise of poetical divinity ; and that scholar, a bad proficient, that is mistaken in the exercise of that whereof in the Schools he was taught the speculation.

24. I have heard of a sillie old Wife, who for doing some prettie feats (wherein she had been instructed by her mother) according to a prescript manner, set down in some of the Verses of Homer, whom neither of them had the skill to peruse, but had learned the contents from their Progenetrices upwards, through many ages, was branded with the imputation of having the concomitancie of a Demon, and accused of witchcraft, by him, who, being a professor of the Greek, whipt a boy, for not getting these verses by heart, it being the Task, that was enjoyned him for a days Lesson, as if the Devil had been more assistant to the operation, then the Theorie, and that it had been lawful for them to studie, what was felonie for others to enact.

25. Amongst this meaner sort of people, there are some, who tenaciously cleaving to their frets of old, doe very often repair at set times to Fountains, Oak-trees, little round Hillocks, and great stone heaps, where, with pre-conceived words, and motions befitting the service, they doe things truly not approvable, because unwarranted by the best religionaries of the time, yet that there is charm, fascination, inchantment, infernal assistance, or any thing else more, then meer custom in them, may safely be denyed ; for that in the choicest of the ancient of the both Greek, and Latin Poets, are couched, in set terms words, expressive of all the points of that Poeticall Liturgie.

26. Who doubteth hereof, let him read Homer, Virgil, Theocrit, Hesiod, Pindar, Aristophanes, Ovid, Claudian, Horace, Martial, and others, which if he doe not, his laziness to peruse these books, should not be of such prevalencie over our credulitie, as to make us beleeve, that others doe devilishly, because he knoweth not what it is they doe ; otherwise (as is said in the 30th Article of this first book) the Lesbian rule of the various degrees of ignorance, would be the sole directory, to the overthrow of knowledge.

27. According to the unstreightness of which canon square or pattern, in what countrey soever it shall happen, men of eminent condition for place, and fortune (whose example usually is the only Line and Level, whereby the multitude, and body of the people is ordered, both in their Lives and opinions) to be so regulated, as implicitly to follow such leaders, and, without any further examination, to ply as they bow, jog as they wag, redandruate as they ampirvat, and every way bestirre themselves after their motions, more constantly in that their inconstancie then the rising of the billows of the Sea, at the boysterous and impetuous thuds of a raging Boreas: There is nothing more infallible then that a countrey, Kingdome, or Common-weal sick of the ablepsie of such an epidemical sectatorship, (of which disease, incivility, malice, usurie, ignorance and hypocrisie are the ordinary symptoms) must needs by the frequencie of its convulsions against reason, equity, and conscience (though under pretext of a Law) perish, and be ruined at last, either by the violence and furie of a forraine enemy, or by intestin broyls, and commotions within it self, or by both togither : so dangerous a thing it is, willfully to hudwink the mind, & blind-man-buf't, in the propatularie view of a meridian sun, as if we were quoquoversedly mufled, in the sable mantle of Cimmerian darknesse.2

28. It is a bad acquital we give the ancients of great Literature, for their pains taking to civilize our manners, and instruct our minds in all the choicest, and most researched mysteries of Learning, and true Philosophie, by the lovely, sweet, and curious allurements of poeticall devises, to twit them with the names of Devils, fiends, and infernal spirits.

29. Whether it be so or no, I appeal to all the judicious Mythologists of this age, whereof some being most eminent in their knowledge of Theologie and of choise literature in other commendable faculties, have in their learned Writings made most evidently appear, what sacred rayes of true divinity, lie hid in those excellent fables of old.

30. Such as say, that fables are lies, and therefore, not unlike to have proceeded from the deceiver, and father of lies, understand not well what belongs to truth, and derogat much from the most authentick writings of any, wherein allegories, parables, and apologues are almost every where obvious to the readers perusal.

31. Complexed truth is in affirmation, and negation, which in matter of signes enunced of one another, hath its plenarie signification in the things by them signified, as when we say, man is reasonable, we mean not that the word man, is the word reasonable, but that the thing, for which the word man suppones, hath reason in it.

32. Even so is it in a fable, where the epimythie, or morality thereof is supposed to be signified by the words, and not the litteral sense, which by them is expressed, but in actu signato (as it were) and not exercito.

33. As the Fables in Æsop of the Wolf, and the Lamb, the Lyon and Mouse, the Frog, and the Oxe, the Grashoper, and the Pismire, the Bull, and the Goat, the Dove, and the Magpie, the Eagle, and the Raven, the Cuckow, and the Hawk, the Bee, and the Bear, the Dog, and the Sheep, the Stork and the Fox, are verified in their Epimythetical sense : by some great mens oppressing of the innocent : by the thankful retribution of a received favour : by the ruine that Pride brings upon the arrogant man : by the advantage of careful industrie, beyond wanton idleness : by kicking against those their betters, whom misfortune suppresseth : by the hazard that many good men run, to be deceived : by undertaking things foolishly beyond their power ; by keeping themselves wisely within bounds : by the patience rather to endure somewhat, then in being revenged to suffer more : by the huge prejudice, which false witnessing bringeth upon many : and by the great delight we oftentimes conceive in clinching, and retorting jeers, jests, and pranks ; all which to avow not be as truly expressed, by that affabulatory manner of speech, as by a plain historical enarration of the purpose decyphered by it, is to ascribe lesse vigour to the rayes of the Sun at noon, in an estival Solstice, then when in Capricorn he is meerly horizontal.

34. As in copious Languages, there are severall words made use of, for setting forth one and the same thing to our understandings, whereof neverthelesse each apart is a sufficient signe, for its representation, though not with such imbellishment : so should we dissever truths from elocutions framed in this kind of way, we would open a door to the destruction of eloquence, by banishing from our discourse all figurative utterance, in the delicious varietie of Tropes and Schemes.

35. There are more wayes to the wood, then one, (as the common saying is) and from the circumference to the center, may be drawn infinite lines, whereof neverthelesse, not any can fall perpendicularly on the Basis, save one : yet is the obliquitie of any of those radial lines, the lesse, the nearer it approach the perpendicular, and so much the greater, the less that the angle be, which with the Basis it comprehendeth.

36. Just so, there being one sole God omnipotent upon whom the conversation of the whole world dependeth, which is the ground work, and Basis, whence is erected that perpendicular of perfection, and true knowledge attained unto by the only saints in heaven, and celestial hierarchies, there proceedeth from the circumference of the duty of man, an innumerable diversitie of religious Sects, and faiths, tending all, and each of them very cordially to the aforesaid Basis of incomprehensible goodness, whereof there is not one, that, by reason of humane frailty commixed with it, declineth not a little from that orthogonal streightnesse, which in the Theocatheros is required.

37. However, there is nothing more sure, then that as the more amply by Learning, and integritie of heart, the acute angle (to call it so) of a profession be dilated, it will prove the more orthodoxical, so the greater deflexion, that by wickednesse, and ignorance it be brought to from the proposed uprightnesse, it will be the lesse warrantable.

38. By which account, although all be directed to one end, yet because of the imperfections which anavulsibly adhere to the soul, whilst it remains invested with mortality, there being none of them without some blemish, the difference onely is in more, and lesse ; better, and worse.

39. Neverthelesse, albeit in every state almost there be a discrepancie in the manner of regulating the consciences of the people, yet without any danger of heresie, may the mysteries of one and the same devotion be displayed unto us, after several fashions, as the variety of signes taketh not away the unity of the thing, that is represented by them.

40. The Trumpet incourageth Troops of horse, the same is done by Kettle-drums : the foot is animated by the Tambour, and with out Highlanders, the Bag-pipe effectuates every whit as much. The Mahumetans repair no faster to their Moschees, at the voyce of La ilha, illa alha, which calleth them thereto, then we doe to our Churches, at the knell of the Bell, though of an inarticulat sound.

41. If the thing be the same, which is signified, as likewise the conception we have of that thing, although the signes be various, which to that our conception doe represent it : Whereat is it (I pray you) that we startle ? Is not the sacred Word interpreted as well anagogically, as literally ; and allegorically, as well as after any of the other ways, yet are all the said expositions accounted authentick, and the same authority attributed to each.

42. It is evident to such, as will look out with their own eyes, that the first instituters of Fables, which admit of a Physical, as well as Moral sense, did in their pluralitie of gods, aim at the knowledge and worship of one onely divinity, in whose perfection they conceived all other deities to concenter, as substantial qualities flowing from his vertue, power, and goodnesse.

43. Do not our selves affirm, That all that truly can be said of God, is God himself ; because of his simplicissime abstractednesse, pure act, and substance, void of all matter and composition : and yet what is more commonly said amongst our Theologs, then that many are the attributes of God, which kind of speech they maintain to be necessary, for our better understanding ; hence the word, Anthropopathie, a descending to the capacity of man.

44. God is just, he is loving, powerful he is, and wise : yet all, and each of those qualities in the Abstract belonging to him, are God himself. Astræa, Cupid, Mars, and Apollo, by the pristin Poets have been made, by a Metonymical trope, to stand concretively for the divulsives of the justice, love, power, and wisdom of God : not much unlike to the second motions, to which we grant an objective existence in the mind.

45. That the Heathens did beleeve in the unity of the Godhead, is also apparent by this, that all their deities of both sexes, were in consanguinity, and affinity with Jupiter; which is as much to say, as that all power, vertue, goodness, and efficacy, proceeds from God.

46. Neptune was esteemed the power of God, in the Seas : Minerva, the power of God, in Learning : Pluto, the power of God, in subterranean concavities : Bacchus, in Wine : Ceres, in corn : Nemesis, in revenge : and so through all, whatever may concern Gods efficacious working, in relation either to the qualitie, whence it floweth, the subject, that receives it, or place, wherein it operateth ; by emanation, or any other kind of production.

47. To make use therefore, either in our discourse or writings of the words Bellona, Hebe, Æolus, Mercurie, Aphrodite, Hercules, Pan, Saturn, Hymen, and so forth through the whole List of Poetical terms, for warfare, youth, wind, eloquence, lust, vertue, the universe, time, virginity; and almost all that is of any importance, either for subsisting by its self, or qualifying of us, doth so little derogate from the puritie of our Religion, that (in my opinion) our manners are improved by it, our Language inriched, and, by vertue of Rethorical tropes, suggesting to our minds two several things at once, the spirits of such as are studious of Learning, filled with a most wonderful delight.

48. And why should not Greek and Latin words of so sublime expression, obtain acceptance in this our English tongue, when many ultramarine termes of very low consideration, and vernacularie in our neighbour Nations, receive admittance in it.

49. Ruitmaster, Ruit,3 Plunder, and Proveant are Dutch; yet we have made them English; the French words of Parole, Cavalleer, Van, Rear, are now by us spoke usually : We have likewise made perfect English of the Spanish words, Junto, Begotero, Balcone, Montera: as also of those Italian ones, Piazza, Montebanco, Curvetti, Ciarlatano, with many moe both of these, and other Languages, which luxurious wits of forrain education, for the greater emphasis, have obtruded upon their maternal idiome.

50. Nay I will goe further, by those excellent fancies is so curiously imbellished the doctrine of both the Law, and Gospel, that in a Book entituled Mystagogus Poeticus, written by Mr. Alexander Rosse, you may find how prettily, God is represented by Apollo, by Atlas, by Jupiter, by Neptune, by Prometheus; his Spirit by Boreas, and his word by Ariadne: How Christ is the true Æsculapius, and how vively he is evidenced by Amphion, by Apollo, by Aristæus, by Aurora, by Bacchus, by Bellerophon, by Cadmus, by Ganymed, by the Genii, by Hercules, by Mercurie, by Minerva, by Neptune, by Orpheus, by Perseus, by Prometheus, and by Theseus: How Christians are expressed by Hercules, by Jason, by the Sphinx, and by Ulysses; And how lastly, the Church is signified and set forth by Atlas, by Ceres, by Diana, and by Jason's Ship.

51. And all this by the elucubrations of that worthie Gentleman Master Alexander Rosse, whose praise in that late Book set forth by me, in vindication of the honor of Scotland, I thought it expedient not to omit.

52. That the Catholick Romans have constantly, and as yet doe, after the manner of the learned Paynims of old, most heartily relish variety of consecrations, plurality of invocations, and adoring one and the same thing, under a great diversitie of titles, is apparent by the several names of Churches, huge Legend of Saints, and different dedications to one dietie as of one edifice to Christ the redeemer, and of another to Christ the mediator, of one to our Lady of help, and of another to our Lady of mercie : even as the warlike Romans devoted their temples to Iupiter Ferretrius; and Iupiter Stator: to Diana Lucina, and Diana Fluina.

54.4 In this likewise they agree, that amongst the Heathenish Philosophers, there were many sects, such as Stoicks, Academicks, Peripateticks, Pythagoreans, and Cynicks, and amongst those we call Papists, there are divers orders of Monks, Fryars, Thomists, and Scotists: subdivided again into Ecclesiasticall incorporations, such as Cordeliers, Recollects, Succolants, Capuchins, Fueillans, Iacobins, Dominicans, Augustins, Iesuites, Teatins, Oratorians, Benedictins, Cartusians, Carmelites, and many other of that Nature, discrepant more in name, then opinion : in habit then profession.

55. That there is great uniformity in both doctrine, and discipline betwixt the Churches of the Ancient, and Modern Romans, will never be denied by any, that having applied his mind to the Philosophical Poesie of the one, and scholastick divinitie of the other, is well versed in the rites of both.

56. And truly, there is so great knowledge wrapt under the vail of that affabulatorie divinity of old, that not to beleeve in the truth of many points thereof, will argue as much senslesnesse, and stupiditrie in him, that is so incredulous, as it can of miscreance, and infidelitie in the person of any, that would question the infallible events of the most authentick revelations of the other.

57. It is said by them, that Saturn was the son of Cœlus, and Thetis, that he devoured all his children, save Iupiter, Iuno, Neptune, and Pluto, that he disgorged them again ; and after he devirilised Cœlum, was expelled his kingdome by Jupiter.

58. And say we not the same, though in other words, whilst we avouch, that time is measured by the motion of the heavens, and ebbing and flowing of the Sea : that the Elementarie, and mixed bodies are corruptible, whilst the Elements themselves in their purest Natures are not so : that the corruption of one thing is the generation of another : that there can be no more worlds but one : and that it lieth not in the power of time to limit the duration of the celestial influences, in all which it seems that the Ancients did philosophate pretty handsomely.

59. Had they remained there, it had been well, but when they begun to adulterate that knowledge with superstition, & out of conscience, to immolate the bloodie sacrifices of young Infants, upon the altars of Saturn; then was it that their profession became detestable to all the civill men in the world, and what was commendable therein, even abhorred ; because of its intermixture with so much wickednesse.

60. Yet is it the part of wise men to sever the good from the bad, and without any relation to times, to adhere to what of it self is rightest, and to account that religion damnable (what ever it be) that destroyeth mutuall duties, and authorizeth cruelty.

61. The Poets say, that Vulcan was the son of Jupiter, and Iuno; that he was lame, that he was thrust out of heaven, that he was fostred by Thetis, and the sea Nymphs, that he had Venus, and Aglaia to his wives, that the semence, wherewith he thought to have imbued Minerva, had its diffluence on the earth ; and that he was the smith, who made the armour of the Gods.

62. And doe not wee, though in other termes, affirm the same, whilst we say, that firy meteors are begot in the air, by the motion, heat, and influence of heaven : that the flame of our fire ascends not in a streight line, but crookedly : that lightning, and thunderbolts fall out of the air upon the earth : that naturall heat is intertained by radical moisture, and the ignean mixtures in the second region by Marine exhalations : that beautie, light, and splendor are concomitant with the heat of fire : that heaven, for being pure from the commistion of elementarie qualities, remaineth still a Virgin, in spight of that naturall heat, which diffused on terrestrial things, maketh them fruitfull in generation : and that naturall heat is the armour, and defence of our life, by which we are preserved from our destruction, our life, and motion ceasing, when it is gone, now what can be said against this, but that their way of expression is somewhat more figurative, and eloquent.

63. The ancient Heathens did assever that Bacchus was the Son of Iupiter, and Semele: saved out of her ashes, when Iupiter in his coit had burnt her with thunder, that he was cherished in his Fathers thigh, nourished by the Hyades; bred in Egypt; and afterwards conquered the Indians; that he had both a Virgin and a buls face ; was sometimes Male sometimes Female ; now with a beard, anon without one : that he was worshiped on the same altar with Minerva, and accompanied by the Muses: that whilst he was a Child Mercurie carried him to Macris, the daughter of Aristæus, to have his lips anointed with honey : that he slew the serpent Amphisbena, that virgins were his priests, himself painted naked, and the Mag-pie consecrated to him : that he was turned into a Lyon, was called Liber, and Dionysius, and the first that made bargains : that he was there years with Proserpina, and that he was torn by the Titans, buried, and revived again.

64. Though this relation seem a little fabulous, yet doe we maintain the truth thereof, whilst we affirm, that the Vine tree by the influence of a warm air produceth grapes : that ashes are excellent dung for Vines : that the best wine is where the soyl is hot, subject to thunder, and where the trees are parched with the rays of the Sun : that Egypt is a fit climate for that Liquor : that moisture maketh it prosper very much : and that the Indians were very temulencious Symposiasts : that there is a hudge difference, and almost incredible betwixt the effects of wine moderatly, and immoderatly taken : that wine drunk with mediocrity conduceth much to wisdome, and Learning, and refineth our wits with eloquence, which bringeth us to a felicity of expressing our selves most sweetly, in the best things that are : that wine killeth sorrow, utterly banisheth it from all joviall congrecations, in pulling from it the sting at both ends of melancholie, wherewith both the beginning, and closure of all commensall meetings are for the most part stung, without this Lycæan liquor : that sometimes wine makes men effeminate, prompts them to reveal secrets, and oftentimes occasioneth much prating : that many times it inrageth those that drink it : that it maketh men to talk freely, and stirreth up the mind to high attempts : that commonly it is in taverns that men are aptest to bargain-making, when they are well whitled with Septembral juyce : that it will be three years before the Vine tree can come to its full perfection and that its twigs cut off, and set in the earth will afterwards bring forth good and sufficient grapes.

65. Doe not both these ways tend to the signifying of the selfsame conception of one and the same thing ? truly they doe : Yet is it with this discrepance, that our conceit thereof is naked and bare, and theirs apparelled with an expression of more pomp and statelinesse.

66. To run after this manner albeit in never so percursorie a way, through the remainder of what is extant of this kind of inveloped Philosophie, would require a Treatise of a greater bulk, then these few miscellanie schedules are able to inclose.

67. Yet is it a thousand pities, that the knowledge of all Arts, and Sciences, both Practical and Theoretick, having been very ingeniously shrowded, by the learned men of Old, under the most gorgeous cover of Poetical fancies, there should not of that pretious Mantle now be seen, so much as the ten thousandth part ; too severe innovators by an ubiquitarie conflagration, having devored the rest.

68. Truly I lament it, and could wish from my heart, that the diverse exquisite books written on that subject, by Orphee, Musæus, Linus, Pharnutus, Palæphat the Stoick, Dorothæe, Evanthes, Heraclit of Pontus, Silen of Chio, Anticlides, Evartes, Zenon, Cleanthes, Chrysippus, and several thousands compiled by other Authors, which have been lost these many hundred yeares agoe ; whereof I beleeve some were amongst those of curious arts, mentioned in the nineteenth of the Acts, were at this time obvious to our perusal.

69. I say not this to undervalue other books, for the Spirit of God hath taught us, that the two Testaments of the Law, and Gospel doe far excel them : but only to give you to understand, that diamonds are not the worse, they be inchassed in Gold ; nor a Patacoon to be rejected, because a Portugal ducat is better.

70. Yet may the Oro de Tibar, and Plata de Peru, which are the best gold, and silver that are any where ; that, being of 24 Carats (or Quilates, as they call them there) and this full twelve-pennie fine, abate much of their proper value, by being allayed with baser metal ; there being nothing admits of mixture, which is not capable of being adulterated.

71. And likewise the unskilfulnesse of the receiver, may contribute much to the undervaluing of a very good coin, as I have seen by some the Cross dolar of a Hanse Town (because of its circular shape) preferred to a Spanish Ryal of Eight, of a Polygonal Form ; the insufficiency, by the touchstone of the eye, consisting in the figure.

72. Even so have these melliffluently relishing devises, sustained great detriment in the elimination of many, partly by reason of the blind superstition of some pusillanimous Zelots, addicted to that kind of devotion : and on the other part, because of the uncharitable mistakes therein of some supercilious coxcombs, who avoiding to be instructed aright, are every jot as peremptory in their doom, as they are certain in their unskilfulness.

73. Both which, the one, for depraving a thing by the intermixture of some badness with it, and the other, for condemning that as ill, whereof he knows not the goodnesse, are like the Syrtes, and Symplegades: or Rocks, and Quicksands of errour, to be shun'd by those, that would sail into the haven of truth.

74. As for my self, I never yet had such prejudicate aversnesse from old Tenets, nor implicit adherence to new positions, whither at home, or abroad, but that I always thought it most beseeming one of a liberal education, to keep the middle course that tends to truthwards, without regard to either pristin, or modern opinion ; Ephestian, or Exotick.

75. Which resolution of mine, to hold on in an even path to what is rightest, without straying to either side, begot such opposition in others, to whose conduct I was loath to deliver up my judgement, that because of fascination, incubation, succubation, peragration with fairies, and other such communication with foul spirits, I had openly purged many of both sexes, whom they esteemed guilty, I was forthwith reputed an obstinate assertor of erronious doctrine, and that with the greater vehemency of bitternesse, that I who was but raw, young, and lately come from my travels, would not without examination give trust to aged men of long experience, albeit in matters contrary to both common sense, and reason.

76. Yet as a child (though but of ten years old) is not obliged to beleeve it is dark, when the Sun shines, although a man of threescore should swear it to him : so such weak arguments à testimonio having never been of great prevalency with me, I caused send for one of either sex, that were supposed Rivals in Diabolical venerie, the male, with the succub ; and the female with the incub. And after I had spoken kindly to them in generals, I intreated them with all gentlenesse possible, to tell me freely, whether it was so, or no, as it was reported of them, (the Reader must understand, that these two knew not other, and that it was not one at one time, nor in one place, that I thus examined them) their answer was (for they were not suspicious of any harm from me) that it was true enough, yet wisht because of their so ingenuous confession, that I would be pleased never to bear testimonie against them ; I promised to doe so, but withall considering how, in all other incident purposes, they were alwayes every whit as pertinent, as any what ever man or women else of their condition, I streight conceived there might be a crack in their imagination.

77. The young man was two and twenty years old, very bashfull, yet prone to lasciviousness, and a handsom youth : she was some five and twentie, nothing so pleasant as he, and had it not been for a little modestie that refrained her, a very sink of lust : All this I perceived at the first view, and therefore the better to try an experiment thereon, I commanded, at the time they were in my Fathers house, an insomniatorie and exoniretick potion, for stirring up of a libidinous fancie, to be given unto each of them : I also directed one of my Footboys to attend the woman, with all possible respect, and outward shew of affection ; the like I required of one of my mothers chambermaids, to be done in behalf of the young man : which injunctions of mine were by these two servants with such dexterity prosecuted, that the day after each their nights repose, of those two hypochondriacks, which happened to be within a moneth of one another, when I had called for them, and after discourse, asked whether, that night as formerly, they had in their bodies felt any carnal application of the fowl spirit, or if they did, in what likeness they received him : To this both of them made answer, That of all the nights which ever they had enjoyed, it was that night respectively, wherein unto them both the spirit was most intirely communicative in feats of dalliance, and that in the representation of the Boy, and Chambermaid, whom I had appointed to wait on them, as they went to bed.

78. This ingenuous declaration of theirs confirmed me in my former opinion, which with more degrees of certainty increased, when I heard that within a short while after, the imagination of two, had turned to a fornication of four : for which, though I caused to punish them all, the Fantasiasts were thereby totally cured, who (becoming afterwards Yoke-mates in wedlock to the two servants of our house) were in all times comming sound enough in fancie, and never any more disquieted with such like apprehensions.

79. In these the cure proved easie, but in many that kind of disease taketh such deep root, that no remedie can prevail. I saw at Madrid a bald-pated fellow, who beleeved he was Iulius Cæsar, and therefore went constantly on the streets with a Laurel Crown on his head : and another at Toledo who would not adventure to goe abroad, unlesse it were in a Coach, Chariot, or Sedane, for fear that heavens should fall down upon him.

80. I likewise saw one in Saragosa, who imagining himself to be the lawfull King of Aragon, went no where without a Scepter in his hand ; and another in the Kingdome of Granada, who beleeved he was the valiant Cid, that conquered the Mores.

81. At Messina in Sicilie, I also saw a man, that conceived himself to be the great Alexander of Macedone, and that in a ten years space he should e master of all the territories, which he subdued : but the best is, that the better to resemble him, he always held his neck awry,which naturally was streight and upright enough ; and another at Venice, who imagined he was Soveraign of the whole Adriatick Sea, and sole owner of all the ships, that came from the Levante.

82. Of men that fancied themselves to be women, beasts, trees, stones, pitchers, glasse, angels, and of women whose strained imaginations have falne upon the like extravagancies, even in the midst of fire, and the extremest pains fortune could inflict upon them, there is such variety of examples, amongst which I have seen some at Rome, Naples, Florence, Genua, Paris, and other eminent Cities, that to multiply any moe words therein, were to load your ears with old wives tales, and the trivial tattle of idly imployed, and shallow braind humerists.

83. Thus am I forced to deliver my opinion, in opposition to some of our Kirkists, who would burden my conscience with manyer tenets then are fit for it, and lighten my estate of more mony then is due to them : for proof of the latter whereof, as I have already, in refutation of their covetous disjoyning of what was legally united, and splitting one parish into two, deduced three pregnant reasons, why the two forementioned Churches should remain as one Church, belonging to one parish, I will in sequel of the sixth Article of the same book say,

84. Fourthly, that in the up-lifting of all Taxes, and impositions in former times, these two pretended Churches have been still rated as one parsonage, as the rolls of the stint can sufficiently bear record.

85. Fifthly, there are in both these pretended parishes, not above three hundred communicants, so that the great charge of soules needeth not much obstruct the union, seeing there is to be found in a shire not far from thence, eight thousand parishioners resorting to one parish Kirk.

86. Sixthly, that the whole parishioners of both nemine contradicente, did, and doe as yet, most unanimously accord to the union.

87. Seventhly, that to have the union ratified by the Generall assembly of the Land, as it was past in the days of King Iames the sixth, I offered, if another place might be pitched upon more expedient, for the ease of these two half parishes, to cause build a church therein upon my own charges.

88. Yet for answer to these aforesaid reasons (in my opinion relevant enough) a decreet by the Commission of the kirk, was pronounced against me, in favours of the 2 men serving at the cure of that Kirk and chappel, providing yearly to each of them 4 chalders victual, and 400 marks Scotch in monie, besides their Glebe (as they call it) and vicarage : although before that time (by reason of the smalnesse of the tiths of the Parish) their expectation did never reach to above five chalders rent for both, without any monie at all, and that they would have been exceedingly well pleased, to have accepted of less, had they been free of a brotherly suggestion to my prejudice, which for fear of deprivation, they were forced to lay hold on.

89. With this ecclesiasticall pressure, whereby my rents are diminished, another from the same fountain, though of a higher nature, was inflicted on me by a kirk man, whose covetousnesse reaching the procurement of an unjust decree, through non defence in my absence, at an inferiour court, against four of my especial tenants, for some farmes pretended to be due to his mother, as the wife of an ecclesiastical dignitary, he prosecuted the action with such indignation, violence, avarice, and extortion, so prevaricatly and contrarily to both divine and humane laws, that I purposely conceal his name, least the divulging thereof should prove scandalous to his fellow Labourers in the spirituall Vineyard, for tollerating a man of such oppressive courses, to domineer in the Pulpit, by vertue of a supposed call from God for the preaching of his word.

90. Many things may be spoken of the unstreight carriage of this man, who, as I am informed, is about as yet to vex my Tenants in Farnesse as formerly he hath done those of my Townes of Davistone and Pettistone, which if he doe, let him assure himself, that I will lay open the wickednesse of his disposition to the view of the whole Isle, as perspicuously as his face is weekly apparent to his Parish at Romarkney.

91. But for the time I will forbear, in hope of his repentance, which no sooner can appear then I shall be apt to forgive, my humour leading me never to insist in twitting any that is not of an obdur'd spirit, nor had these three Ministers against whom I writ, in that book of mine entituled Exskybalauron or Exskybalochryses sustained the lash of my pen, had they then been sensible of the wrong done me, or acknowledged their faults, as afterwards they did ; for, although I hate dissimulation, I can upon a cordial remorse for any injurie committed, pardon my cruellest, and most inveterate enemie.

92. Why men that should make profession of Learning, doe goe about to vex and disquiet me, is most wonderfull ; seeing it is not unknown to all, that are acquainted with me, that there is none breathing doth more respect and reverence it then I, and that by all appearance I am like (by Gods assistance) to give greater proofs thereof to posterity, then any whosoever that hath been, is, or will be ready to display open banner against me.

93. Bavius and Mavius were both envious of the worth of Virgil, and covetuous of his means but although the ruine of Virgil had acquired them an Empire, yet had not so vast a purchase been able to contrevalue the infamie, which by that one Hexameter, Qui Bavium non odit amet tua carmina Mævi did redound to them both.

94. I will apply nothing, it being the readers part some times to infer consequences, where the modesty of the writer will not permit it, but setting forward in the proposed Method, doe make account to glance a little at the other branch of the dichotomie, mentioned in the forty second Article of the third book ; as very obstrucive to the defrayment of private debts, to wit publique dues.

Epig. Primum.

Ardochæ duri foediebant arva Coloni,
     Lassabatque graves terra profunda boves.
Finrasus invasit : tunc longæ rastra quieti
     Tradidit, & non est quo fodiatur ager.
Scire libet quænam fit tristis causa rapinæ,
     Quid poterant terræ, quid meruisse solum ;
Iphigenia domi nimirum nubilis illi.
     Doranda est, proprio non tamen illa solo.
Debita fallaci socero nam Burgius heros
     Detulit, injusta qui rapit arva manu.
Sponsam ambit juvenis : pater agros ambit, & illi
     Inde Ligone carent : illa Ligone suo.
Protinus armatas trahit in sua vota cohortes,
     Authores culpæ substituitque suæ.
Arva novo tibi sunt Cromarti danda colono ;
     Sic fodietur amans : sic fodietur ager.

Epig. Secundum.

Etheiam quondam Patrio Cromartius heros
     Iure habuit, raptam nunc tamen alter habet :
Ruraque fallaces aluerunt devia vulpes
     Semper & hos laqueo ducere moris erat ;
Sed postquam has sedes cepisti Finrase, pejor
     Incipit his cunctis vulpibus esse lupus.

Epig. Tertium.

Ut succum toto morbus de corpore ducit
     Evacuata trahens ossa liquore suo
Torrida dum totis consecrescant viscera fibris,
     Et subito in rugas cedat adusta cutis
Divitias populitotas sic Creditor haurit
     Seque unum nummis Hydrope pejor alit
Argenti venas rimatur & undique quærit
     Abdia siqua auri gutta vel una fluit,
Vos estis medici Patres si dicere fas est
     Vos soli huic morbo ferre potestis opem.

Epiq. Quartum.

Socratici fertur patientia longa mariti,
     Xantippe lingua clara fuisse tua,
Ille tuo pulsus clamore obduruit etsi,
     Lingua lacessito est ære sonora magis.
Huc ades, ô venerande senex, tentamina lingue,
     Talia virtuti non satis æqua tuæ
Voce sua turbet solum te creditor unus,
     (Sufficiuntque tamen non duo tresue mihi)
Xantippen querulavere laudabis et ipse
     Judice te posthac (crede) beatus eris.

Epig. Quintum.

The Scripture says, that three things always crave,
The raging sea, the barren womb, and grave ;
I dare not adde to Scripture, but I say,
That Creditors do crave far worse then they.
When I have render'd, by mortalitie,
To th' grave her due, she craves no more of me ;
No strong desire can make me satisfy't,
Nor yawning womb command my appetite :
Besides there's pleasure here, in debt there's none,
And when once laid in grave, all grief is gone.
No sea constrains you, to entrust your frayl
Plank to the waves, or forceth to hoise sayl ;
Or yet suppose it could, against your will,
There's hopes of Calme, or of a Harbour still :
There's storm on storm, when Creditors do crave,
And ev'ry Interest a rolling wave ;
O let me debtor be to th' other three,
Free me from Farcher, Fraser, Fendrasie.

Epig. Sextum

That he might in oppression be free,
Fendrasius took the Kirk upon his side,
Who were of avarice as full as he,
And for the goods of all men gap'd as wide,
Those that beheld hm Saint-like veyl'd did wonder,
And marvelled that he was chang'd so much,
When Satan's claws were suddenly seen under,
And all were startled at his hellish clutch :
'Twas like his Father, who's the root of evil,
Who taking Angels shapes, is still a Devil.

Epig. Septimum.

Since your selves are unto the Devil as due,
You Usurers, as Debtors cash to you,
To trust you, so the Devil do's us wrong,
For you'l not trust your debtor half so long ;
But it's confess'd indeed there may be lets,
And creditors by chance may lose their debts ;
But though the Devil gets no use at all
Yet is he sure t' obtain the Principall.

Epig. Octavum.

Like as the Tyrant plunder'd mightie Iove
Out of his golden vesture, and him told,
A woollen one might now far fitter prove ;
Because the season waxed somewhat cold :
And from the God of Physick, Phœbus Son,
The golden beard in bitter scorn he took,
And said it was not fit he should have on,
Since his own Sire a beard could never brook.
Even so my Creditors with charitie,
And fellow-feeling piety possest,
In our Estates would make a paritie :
For conscience, say they, not Lands is best.
Pox take your gryping conscience, let me
Enjoy m' Estate, and keep your Charitie.

O creditorum dira, & immitis cohors,
     Furiisque cunctis sævior.
Quorm sonorus clamor exaanimat meum.
     Uritque pectus tædio.
Namque ira nunquam numinis vestros sine :
     Impune fraudes pergere,
Cum vos hiatu capiet immenso niger,
     Sinuque claudet Tartarus.
Tum scire (si fas ista mortali) libet
     Quas Æacus pænas paret ?
Megæra properat, properat Alecto ferox,
     Incincta tortis anguibus.
Caliginosam sæva Tisiphone facem,
     Intrantibus vobis quatit.
Nec non catenas cerat extensas triceps
     Averni custos rumpere.
Et linquit ales Titij exosum jecur,
     Ad vos opimos advolans.
Saxumque dirum Sisyphi vobis datur,
     Sitisque vobis Tantali.
Istisque cunctis pejus interea manet,
     Majusque tormentis erit.
Absum et hæres omnia, et exosos lares
     Divendet insignis nepos.
Ibitque tremula, et pæne procumbens fame
     Proles parentis perfidi.
Virique conjux tenera in abjecti sinu
     Alga jacebit vilior.
Et cuncta vobis ista Mercurius feret,
     Ibitque certus nuncius.


1. Section 9: the printed text reads "with the more ease to the auditorie caused make it as much longer as it was before". "My father doubled the size of the church, and it is still the smallest church in Scotland; therefore it could only have been built as a chapel."

2. If the reader has any lingering doubts about the reality of the proposal for a "universal language", this paragraph should do away with them.

3. Ruitmaster, Ruit: that is, rit-master, rit(t): captain of a troop of horse, and horse-riding, respectively; from the Dutch r(u)itmeester. Plunder: the OED claims it's rather from what we call German than from what we call Dutch, via the Thirty Years' War, as also proveant (or proviant), which is probably originally from the Italian.

4. There is no section 53.

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