Agnes Cecelia Kozlowski
— an autobiographical memoir

[Leaving Africa to return to the States]

 p49  While I have tried to keep every one happy with giving a helping hand here and there, I have been called into Sup office Jan 30, and was invited to sit down. That shocked me as I was in there a million times but this was it. I have been told not to give any more medication to the Fathers that go to the villages with out Sup. orders, I wasnt to speak to any of the priests since they think you are the only one who  p50 in doing any good around the mission any more. You are restricted to go for walks with your sister companion beyond the wire fence. I sat there and took it all in another thing no more bread for the natives. That made me plain sick. . . . . So Monday Feb. 1st I went to town with Sup. She asked me if I would want to return back to the states I sat word-less "What to get rid of me after I have made the sacrifice of coming out leaving the family and everything that was so dear to me and now to get the dirty end of it just because they are jelous." I didnt answer but sat here thinking. That night I didnt sleep the following day I had a fever of 102 but didnt say anything at supper time I had to leave the refectory and went to my room. Sister Yolanta came in to see what was the matter I told her I was just plain sick. Sup. came in later on She handed me the thomometer and got in touch with Father Sup. to have some one drive me to the European Hspt. It was at 6:30 p.m. when in came Fr. Sup driving. Naturally Malaria again. Who came to visit but Fr. Joe⁠a1 Fr. O'Brien Fr. Olachlin brough Communion to me daily. It was a messy lower lip that I had full of fever blisters one on top of another it felt like a half pound of glue in weight on it. Remained there for ten days. During my stay I have been reading mystery books, which was something I had never had in my hand but certaily did enjoy hem. Who took me home but Father Joe we stopped twice on the road for specific reasons and I did dare to take his gun and try to shoot the bark of the tree. I skinned the tree about an inch and a half deep. I could have been proud of myself for the first aim. When I got back the children yelled and screamed when they noticed that I have returned. It made me feel so good inside to think that at least they appreciated what I have done for them while my stay with the natives. I had to be confined to bed as orders for a few days so I just sat around in the convent. It poured the following day and it was time to just sit in the chapel  p51 and pray and speak heart to heart with the dear Lord to find out what should I do from now on. When I have been in bed one afternoon I put on my blue bed jacket that had two satin blue ribbons down the front. That Sunday Sup. came to me and told me that I would have to turn in the bed jacket, and place it on her desk in the office and not to expect to see it again. I didnt care any more what they would do with any of the things that I have had to my use. So I did just what she wanted.

Since I have been told to sleep longer that 5 I would go to 5:45 Mass and that was discontinued also I couldnt understand what difference it made to hear Mass. Was it because Fr. Joe was the one who said it? I knew I couldnt talk to him there so what was the click, was it to keep me from seeing him? I stopped. . . I had to confide to some one. So as a rule the Angelus was rung at six every evening. I made it my business to write a note to Fr. Joe telling him what has been going on and what should I do about it. I kit to the boy that rang the bells and told him not to give it to any one else but Fr. Joe. In the other hand I slipped him a few charms that came in the candy box from U. S. What was I doing here killing myself. So the following day I have written to the Mother General in Poland telling her that I would like permission to return back to the States. In the mean time I managed to see Padre and talked the whole thing over. He encouraged me to return since there was a lot of talk from the Sisters behind my back. They were upset because some one of the Frs. remarked that Im the only Nun that had polished and clean shoes to church every morning. That was enough for my sister companions. In the mean time I managed to slip a note into Fr Joes hand one evening near the church since I have noticed him going in for a visit and I managed to get there in time. . . . . If I walked around the church I would cough to see if any one was in church if they were they coughed back then I hung around it was Padre

 p52  During the evenings we would all sit by candle light reading the polish news. In one of the late papers we read where a benefactor was killed by plane in the U. S. He was the owner of the Braniff Air Lines some where down in Texas.⁠b Since I have been allowed to return to the Dispensary the things had to be checked to make sure I didnt talk to any one. So all the hedges near the place were cut down short since hey have been about ten feet high. It tickled me for if a person wants to do something it wont be hard to get to doing it any way. I still managed to see Padre when I needed some advice. One evening while I have been extracting two teeth for a villager Padre came along saying his Brievery. As he walked slowly I have managed to get a few words in since the fence was very close by. When he came back I got the answer It worked out very nicely.

Here already it was the month of March and as a custom the Office to St. Joseph had to be sung by the Nuns. Easter wasnt to far off so I began addressing the cards to the people in America in order to get an answer or even more to receive their donations, a real racket . . . . . That morning a snake crept into church and he was killed near the main alter. So thats how things have been going along in Kasisi Mission. March was Fr. Joes Birth day⁠a2 so I slipped a card over to him by one of the boys that had some business to take care of with Fr. he mentioned it to me when he came to the Dis. So I asked him if he would come in before he went and I have something to be taken over he did come. I was happy. That day I have gone to the kitchen to see if the childrens milk was warm, since Padres room was right near he heard my voice and came down stairs, he walked pass the door and winked to me and I in return. I went along my business as if nothing ever happened. Since I had to go in from time to time into the laundry something was there for me. Sister handed me a bag it smelled very sweet, but I  p53 was warned not to open it until I got out of every ones sight. Native girls have been there ironing. When a batch of laundry came in and a note attached to a pair of trousers it said to look in the jacket. . In there was the bag with two beauti­ful apples for me. I walked to my room and enjoyed them during the night after night prayers. They were from Padre, later I did thank him personally.

News travels every where no matter how far the missions were set apart. One of the Fr. came in and heard that I was planning to go back. He told me it would be foolish to remain since they would out live me and would torture you to death so just as well return and pray for us. . . Before he left to return to the mission, the Sr. Sup. of Kasisi tried to get him to deliver a letter, he actually refused and said there are so many others that can take care of it for you Sister and off he went.

During the evening of this week I have been asked to correct the children home work so that helped to keep my mind occupied for some hour. Since the natives are mostly converts they had 16 boys accepted into the Sodality of Mary and they received a rosary near the alter along with a Mericulous chain and medal. Benediction after the ceremony taken place.

Since we had a Ford to help in transportation I used to take it down the road to charge the batteries. so I asked for permission to go. While I was gone Sup. sent out two boys to check on me to see where I was and what I was doing? When I came back I had to say five prayers for something or other I didnt even now what for, since I had the permission. I said the five prayers. . . with entended hands in form of a cross

Some of the Sisters are so back ward they just go off the track every once in a while A nun asked to be transfered and didnt have her plea considered so she walked through mountains and forest for two days. She sat down near streams to cool her burning feet and slept under the heavens. She had her food in a bag so when she came to Lusaka I was sent out to pick her up.

 p54  Since I dared to try my courage one afternoon I have taken my camera and walked behind the laundry and snapped a few pictures of Padre since I felt it wont be long before I start packing for the U. S. again. When I have completed the film I asked Padre to take it to the studio to have them developed, it worked out very nicely,⁠c as I said there is always a way to do things no matter what restrictions are set upon you. Well the following day day all the mail was handed to me news from the Sup. in America telling me to return. I knew it would take a year before the money was sent as they are slow as molasses so I wrote to the family who done more than enough for me for the twelve years that I have been in the Religious life. And that was the First of April, so I managed to get to the Air port and find out exactly how much the journey would cost to get back it was over $700. I wrote the same day asking them for help. I wasnt left out this time either. With all the letters and donations and packages I have received from the family could be counted up to the thousands. . . . In the mean time Sister Sup. tried to make up for all the harm that was done by sending me to the other missions. So that night at 8 when Sup. went to the postulants and the other sisters were sewing things by hand I slipped out and managed to see Padre behind the laundry to tell him they are sending me out for a few days. He asked me why am I giving in to such a offer. Oh go, go head and see what they have nothing more than you see here. It was a pretty Mission if they would work on what they had. The following day I have gone to see the Leper Colony on bike for five miles from the Mission. That was a pathetic sight to behold. No one to care for the poor individuals at all. Some had all their fingers up to their knuckels, others faces were attacked. They complained when asked if they would pose for pictures. They remarked yes everyone comes to take our pictures but why doesnt some one come and help us live better give us food and clothing, no one comes to help us, but take pictures.  p55 I had some candy in my pocket as I usually carried for the youngsters so they could enjoy and left that with them, well the smiles were a mile long how happy a piece of candy made them. If only so one could do something for them. The following day I have helped to clean all the church candle-labras. It was a chapel erected in honor of the Blessed Mother if she would rid the Mission of the Tse Tse Fly and she did for now they can raise cattle with out fear. So I took the things out side and sat on a high brick wall since it was erected on a hill. While sitting with Sister A. we heard something rustle belong the drop. We set the things down and looked. It was a cobra about ten feet long trying to make his way under some rocks. We ran to get some natives to kill him but none had a gun so he escaped death.

Down in the Katondue Mission⁠d the area is noted for all its monkies and how they come in to the orchands to steal fruit from the trees. One morning I have spent three hours trying to get a few snaps but they were scared to see some one with something in their hand. So finally after three day vigil I managed to get good shots. It was most fascinating to watch the parents running and swiging from branche to branche and when they reached the tangerine trees they would grab the ripest one and sit down on the branch, peal it like any human would, and section it also spitting out the pits after every section. One thing did amuse me. One baby monkey was staring at me since they were very, very close and I sat motionless dare not to frighten them away. So what happend the mother grabbed the baby spanked its hinee and made it grab a fruit like all the others did. The little thing just gave a squeel and did like the others.

The next day was a trip to the Luanshia River where the crocodiles rest on the hot sands during the day. We were at a distance but enjoyed our picnic by the banks of the river, some one tried to move a bit further but sank ankle deep into soft sand.

 p56  Holy Thursday was a beauti­ful day for me as I have helped Sister A. to fix up the repository in church. I myself spent 5 and a half hours in church. Meditating and prayer were said for all those that I have promised to pray for and never was to ardent in praying for them earnestly. So I think I did make up for lost time that Holy Thursday. A most touchy scene took place on Good Friday. Since the little chapel was set high on a hill and the main church was at the mission, at twelve all gathered and had their station of the cross books in their hands. The priest began saying the prayers and they had the station tablets hung in distances on trees a good way apart. As the natives began to sing and prayers said at each station, we continued. It was extremely hot and the prespiration rolled down the natives faces, necks, and bodies. It was a dirt road up the hill and when over 200 start walking on the dust it certaily did get on every one. By the time we reached the tenth station every one was exhausted climping up the hill. It was real penance since we had to knee down to say prayers on the stones and many were sharp ones at that. It brought forth the picture of the first crucifixion where the Jewish people walked up the dirt road in similar fashion no doubt. It really was very impressive. At the 14th station one could see the prespiration making streeks down the natives backs and chest. and their bodies covered with yellow dust. I shall never forget that sight at the Katondwe Mission.

News reached that Mission that I was going to return to the states. So I have been begged to come to their Mission and build it up financially. I told them I believe it would be the same treatment in every mission, since they couldnt see that it wasnt done for my good but to civilize the natives and change their ways of living. So the subject dropped with out further prying. Easter Sunday and the alters were loaded with lilies The whole church smelled with the sweetest fragrance and did it look beauti­ful . . .

 p57  While being and playing the role of a Missionary one must be prepared to do almonst any thing, for instance one of the Native Priest (personnell) came in to ask me if I would paint a license number on his motor cycle. I asked why do you want me to do it. I was surprised to get the following answer. "I know you wouldnt say no to any one that asked you for an favor." Many people said that you go out of your way to do kind acts for others. So that afternoon when I had a spare moment I did the painting.

The following day I had been called at 2:15 A.M. to one of the villagers who had a temp of 103 I spent two hours of my night there giving him an alcohol sponge to bring down the temp. The following morning I had to drive into Lusaka 18 miles to the hospital. Since I was practically on my journey to U. S. I had to instruck two of the sisters of how to drive the car. One was more capable than the other, but I tried to give both the same time.

Since I have been still vomiting I was booked to see one of the Dr. in Broken Hill some 110 miles from our Mission that was in Broken Hill.⁠e I was assisted with another Sister when I have gone in they told me I would have to remain there for a few days and X‑rays would be done There I remained for three days They diagnosed that I had a weakened spleen that was causing my trouble.

May 1st
Mail travels in nine days so today the notice came that the ticket was bought by the family pitching in as usual. I still had to have blood test taken before the journey so to the European hspt. That same day I drove to the Air drome to find out about flights to make reservations. Trying to do little things here and there as cutting down branches that would hurt the children during play near the orphanage I was just starting when Padre walked by did it for me since it was the hard wood tree that was his last favor done for me. The following days I had to send medication to Padre since he was down with fever of 100 I sent a note but he never got it, about how to take the pills.

 p58  Thinking of getting in touch with the American Council [Consul] was dated May 10 and to the Consulate in Salisbury S. Africa.⁠f With in that time that I had to spend in town I had some work done on it ince the other Nuns have been learning to drive we sat 6 hours near the R. R. station on the grass under the trees. There natives as well as the European passed to and from the station. We just sat and observed what type of individual that could be and from what country they were from. I doubt if our guesses were any good and right.

Since they had a D. P. girl come in from England she was to be sent off to America for her Novitiate. It is a two year term where you study about your constitution and how to live up to the religious principals. I had to make arrangements of getting her off. Joanna was a person who had the gift of tears at all times no matter what was said and who did pass a statement. I kind of felt sorry for her for going through a war does effect one physically in one way or another. So her boat trip was taken care of and the Affidavid had to be straightened out also. Once that was taken care of I didnt worry a bit. The following day since I was getting ready for my own trip the religious habits had to get into some warm soap and water. Since the heat is so intense the dresses dried in a hurry and they were also pressed the same day. We wore light blue fine dresses while the heavy woolen ones were just worn to town and to church. I say to church, since we had to wear it in the A.M. then change for breakfast. If we had benediction the same routine was of getting dressed up in the navy blue dresses. I thought it was putting on a show since what difference did it make to wear a light blue dress or a dark blue one to church. In a few bitter hours of conversation with Sr Sup. we wore the light blue ones all the time.

In five days the American Consulate answered and the forms were sent in. That evening I had been called a 2:20 since one of the orphans had been very ill. Ronama died at three from double pneumonia.  p59 Since we all have to get our retreat in once a year four sisters were scheduled to be given by Fr. Mazurek⁠g who is about four feet Hight. Every once in a while due to senility he would come out with out his chasuble to say Mass and at the Offetory would realize that he wasnt fully dressed so one of the alter boys would have to go back to the sacristy and bring it to him. No one dared to say anything to him about it. While my stay it happened five times.

Since time was nearing I made sure that all the supplies in the Dispensary was left in good condition. I had to wash all the bottles myself and pack up things that I knew wouldnt be used by the others. So a day in the dispensary again. The next thing was to clean up the grounds near the orphanage since realizing I would have to be going into town the following day or so. My last visit to town was to get a few souveniers. Early that morning I had to leave before Mass to the hspt. to rush a girl with a cut artery. She bled three days in the village before they decided to call on me at the mission.

Very rarely do the natives have a treat of seeing a movie. But on the 24 of May The whole Province of Northern Rhodesia had been filmed and every school was entitled to see it. The children just yelled and screemed the whole time. They actually didnt know what it was all about. The beauty of the dark continent of course is seen in pictures but in reality is out of this world. Nature has its specific place although the natives dont know how rich they are in general. We all had to sit with a sweater on since May is their winter season. In fact the trees in 1952 had been frost bitten that included the lemon, tangerine, and orange trees including the mango ones. So winter hits the hottest continents also and then during the day it would be extremely hot I would say about 110 degrees. One wouldnt get much of a tan sitting in the sun unless you would have your body wet at all times.⁠h

---

Thayer's Notes:

a1 a2 This can only be Fr. Joseph Svec, the Slovakian priest mentioned on p39, later mentioned by name as accompanying Agnes on the ship voyage from the States to Cape Town, and from there by train to Kasisi (pp40‑45): he seems to have been the closest thing to a friend that she had during her African mission; and in this part of her account as she tells it, something of a co-conspirator as well. He was born March 5, 1923.

b Thomas Braniff, founder and head of the airline bearing his name, was killed in the crash of a private aircraft on January 10, 1954 in Louisiana near the Texas border. He was a devout Catholic, among other things serving as the Catholic co-chairman of the National Conference of Christians and Jews. A Knight of Malta and a Knight of the Order of the Holy Sepulchre, in 1944 he was made Knight Commander of the Order of St. Gregory the Great by Pope Pius XII.

c There's a very good chance these photos still exist somewhere in the five boxes of records and photographs Agnes had at the end of her life. I'm still searching for them.

d The Katondwe Mission has maintained a hospital for now over 60 years.

e A Jesuit Mission was established at Broken Hill (now Kabwe) in 1927, and ultimately formed the core of what is now the Jesuit Province of Zambia.

f Salisbury was not in South Africa, but was the capital of Southern Rhodesia. It is now Harare, the capital of Zimbabwe.

g Stefan Mazurek, S. J., 25 Dec 1891, Polubicz-Siedlice (Poland), † 16 Oct 1959, Kasisi (Northern Rhodesia). His necrology at Jesuits of Southern Africa

[Your browser may at first give you an error, but after a few seconds will fix itself and give you the PDF correctly]

confirms he was "a man of small stature". He was 62 at the time, a bit young for senility, but as I can vouch for myself, not too young for absent-mindedness; having known Agnes for many years, I trust her observation, if not necessarily her conclusion.

h The memoir breaks off here. Page 59 is typed down to the very end of the sheet, and a page follows: numbered 60 in the same red ballpoint ink as Agnes's corrections thruout, the page is blank.

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