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The "Autobiography" of John Douglas Bemo

I am happy to see that so many of you, my dear friends have taken it into your hearts to night to come out for the purpose of worshiping the Great God. I do not expect to teach  p3 by my speaking but I want to tell you zzz the Lord has done for me and exhort you to turn an zzz the Lord Jesus Christ.

When I was at home in the forest, I spent early all of my time Haloing and whooping; fighting and scratching of faces, and puling hair and trying to dig out eyes and hunting fishing &c. We knew nothing about the bible we knew nothing about Jesus.

When I was about nine years I set out one morning with a party to hunt in the forest for game. As we were all eagerly pursuing the game through the forest upon a sudden I heard a voice say unto me John! go and tell it! I turned me and looked toward heaven from whence the voice proceeded but could see no one I then turned to my fellows and asked them if they heard it but the seemed not to notice me but continued to follow the game. I  p4 was greatly troubled and tried to follow my companions but it seemed as if I could not leave the place I stood with my eyes towards heaven gazed with fear wondering who it was that spake to me. As I stood wondering I heard the voice again say to me John go and tell it to thy friends. O what sorrow was there in my heart as thus I stood in the forest. I was alone: my friends had gone far from me in pursuit of the game; and I knew not what to do there I was. I could not get away. I had often heard that there was a great Spirit who would come upon the earth and that we must then all die and be buried under the ground and that would be the end of us and I Thought that this must be he who was thus speaking to me.

But I could not get away I was lost and far away from home in the forest and I was great zzz for I should have to stay In the forest all night  p5 alone which I had never done before. My parents taught me never to go out of the reach of the wigwams but always to be there at night. How dred were my feelings. I began then think of my mother and friends I thought more of them than ever and thought to myself that could I get home again I would never get out of the sight of the wigwam. I staid here till morning and when the sun rose in the East, O what joy filled heart zzz that soon I should get home again to my friends. I set out as I thought toward home I would go as I supposed in a straight line from the place but would soon find myself back again upon the very same spot. This I did for a number of times and to be sure that I was not deceived I set down a stick in the ground and started off in a straight line from it. I went  p6 as I suposed for 4 or 5 hour strong from it but great was my astonishment at finding myself close by the stick which I had set up. I then set off again but before Sunset I found that I was again back upon the ground where I left, close by the stick which I had stuck in the ground. So I could not get away and I began to look to see if I could not find some one that could not lead me out of the forest to my mother and friends. When I saw the sun go down I was troubled In my heart. I was very hungry for I had had nothing to eat fo almost two days. I gave up all hopes of ever getting home again. O how great was the sorrow that was in my heart. I thought that the Great Spirit was come upon the earth and that I must die. But immediately looking I saw a light and thought that I was in  p7 the hands of some one who was coming for me. I jumped up and ran after it but it seemed to go crooked first one way and then an other but I still followed after it till to my great astonishment I butted Eupolis against my fathers wigwam. The line then sailed off in the forest out of my sight. I then saw that the great Spirit had sent it to lead me to my home. I then went into the zzz zzz and they were all glad to see. I told them that the Great Spirit was coming on earth an that I had heard a great voice from the forest but they were so rejoice at my return that that they did not notice. After about three month I heard the same voice saying to me "go and tell it." I told my friends but they did not nocc it as before. After about three months more I heard the voice again louder and more distinct than ever  p8 speaking the same thing. I told my father and mother that surely the Great Spirit spirit was coming on the Earth but they would not listen to me. About this time my father said to my mother "I will collect all of my furs and skins and and take them to St. Augustine and take John along with me At this my mother was troubled and I said no! not so take away one out of the 16 except John leave him with me. But my father would not listen to her. He said that john was the apple of his eye and that he should go with him to St. Augustine. So presently he got all all of his furs & skins ready and we we were going to start but my oh begged him to leave me and take one of the others but he would. I must go. When we were about to go my mother placed her hands upon my head prayed the Great Spirit to take care of  p9 her babe (for I was the youngest) that prayer was answered although we were all heathen and never heard of the Saviour or the bible. O what sorrow must have been in you mothers heart when we started but she believed that the great spirit would take care of her child. A length my father an I arrived at St. Augustine and sold off all of our Skins and furs and we were about to set out for home my father met king Philip. They were very glad to see each other and concluded to go into a hous and as they thought have some pleasure. It was one of those which we always see in larg towns at th corners of the streets which have fire water in them staring every in the face which they sell to every body that wants. O I pray God every day that He will take it all away so that there may be non more left to tempt people and kill them. When King Philip and my father had got in there they began  p10 to drink the fire water and after a little it began to craze the brains of both, and when it got possession of their brains they quarrelled a fought till the bood run from their faces and hands and the skin was knocked off in pieces upon the ground. And there the Pale faces stood setting them on. I tried to get to to home to get my father away. But there stood the pale faces I should think two or three hundred of them and they would not let go to my father I go near him once or twice but they pulled me back again. They fought for six or seven hours I should think, when both gave out, I went up to my father; he was nearly dead his face was knocked in pieces the Skin hung in pieces about him and even pieces were to be seen upon the ground. The pale faces then took  p11 him and carried him by the fence at the side of the street I set down by his side O what sorrow was in my heart I thought of my dear mother and the distance we were from home. I thought of that miserable fire water which had mad my father so miserable. I thoughthe Great Spirit would come upon the earth and see my father in this condition. I then talked with my father and told him that the great Spirit would come upon the Earth and see him looking so bad At evening he was carried into a house and laid upon a floor I laid myself by his side. Some time during the night I heard a voice which said to me "you father shall be taken but I will be a father to you" There was no light in the room I got up and walked all around feeling to see If I could find  p12 him that spoke unto me sayinng father shall be taken from thee but I will be a father unto thee. But I could find no one so I laid me down again until the morning as soon as it was light I arose and looked upon my father his lips were pale and his eyes were closed. I felt of his body it was cold: Sure enough my father was taken his limbs were chilled in death! O! what sor filled my heart! O! I had no more a father I wept over his dead body till the pale faces came and dragged him out and took in a cart to bury him. I followed the tracks of the horse and cart to his grave and commenced to dig him up but a man seeing me followed and took me back to the house again. I sometimes wandering in the streets and sometimes  p13 in the wood s, wondering who it should be that was to be a father unto me. But I could find no one that could become a father unto me So I wandered about till I was almost starved to death; for none gave any thing unto me. There were no doubt hundreds at the same time in St. Augustine that would have given me bread had I asked them for it: but I considered them my eyes and would not do it. I would at that time have died first. Yes sooner than to to beg of them, for bread I would have put a dagger into my own heart. But at length I was found by a captain of a vessel who spake kindly unto me and gave me a biscuit and at length took me on board of his vessel. That night he set sail and when the morning came I looked about from the deck and could se nothing of the land which I had left  p14 nothing but the heavens above an the vast ocean all around us could be seen. I thought of the promise which had been made to me and looked to see if I could find any one on board who was capble of being my father I then supposed that I was sailing to find him. Thus I sailed upon the ocean for three years ever looking anxiously for that promised father. But I saw no one and all the time I was in great trouble. Yes for three years it seemed that I was the wost being in the world. At last I was so troubled that I could not eat: words cannot describe my feelings.

One day as I was resting upon the railing of the deck of the vessel in the gulf Stream (off Florida) I thought that I would plunge into the sea and drown myself: as a wave had just rolled away I thought within myself that the next one  p15 that come should be the one in which I would throw myself and put an end to all my trouble. But just before I was going to take the fatal leap I happened to case my eyes up towards Heaven and see the Sky the Sun and the clouds moving The though struck me at once that so one must have made all temple; and who could it be I though that it must be the Great Spirit and if he could make all these things He could take away all my bad feelings too. So I went down into the Hold of the Ship and shut the doors and commenced to pray to to the High Spirit to take all these bad feelings. No sooner was the door shut than it seemed as if I had taken a flight from the ship into a delight­ful region, a country where all was beauty; a perfect plain was spread out before me filled with the most delight­ful prospects  p16 that mind could conceive: and at a distance before me I saw a being in the form of a man shingin in such a manner that these eyes could not behold him. He appeared to come near to me and seemed smaller. O what were the feeling of my heart! I looked toward the ground and there I saw in one monstrous pile all the sins that I had ever committed in my life Yes every bad deed that I had done was plain before me. I thought of every little boy that I had shot with an arose or would with a tommyhock I thought of every bad deed that I had done in my life and there they all were before me. I looked again and saw the btg comeing toward I then thought of that father that was promised to meal and was certain that this was He O I thought that if I could one get hold of him with  p17 these fingers (Holding up his hands) I would never let him go again till he had taken all these bad feelings from me I looked and beheld again the sins that lay on the ground before me I took them up one by one and held them up before him confessing what I had done and he took them from my hand and immediately they disappeared! thus I went on giving and confessing till I had confessed every sin. Then the immage came nearer and nearer and the near he approached the smaller he became. O I thought could I only get hold of him how happy should I be. Immediately he came up but I had not power to move on account of his glory and his brightness. I had to hang down this head for I could not look him in thy face  p18 O! it was the om beauti­ful! image that I had ever seen. I came up and (as it appeared to me) opened a door in my breast and went up and immediately shuit the door again. O how happy I was after the beauti­ful immage had entered my breas (or zzz) The bad feeling which I had before had all left me And it was all light from the glory of the beauti­ful ice age I looked upon these hands and this body and they seemed changed: they seemed whiter than before. O what joy was in my heart! O if I only understood the English better so as to find some words I'd try to gell you better how I felt and of the glory and goodness of God and what he has done for me althoug I was a poor Heathen When I came to myself I hastened upon (ZZZ?)  p19  and tried to tell him what a beauti­ful image was in my breast. As soon as the captain saw me he cried out John what is the matter with you? You look so strange! O I feel strange too I told him! and I began to try to ship him my beauti­ful Indian agent; but I could not. I looked at myself to see if I really was the same person; it seemed as though I were changed inside and out-side. O how happy I was. But the captain continued to cry out John what is the matter? What can the matter be! You seem so strange! The tears were streaming down his as he listened while I told him about the beauti­ful image. The sailors too stood around me with the tears rolling down there faces daring to say nothing to me only to ask me about the beauti­ful image. O if ever I was happy in the  p20 world it was thin! Thin I knew what was meant by the words "Your father shall be taken but I will be a father unto you." As I talked the words seemed to flow from my mouth zzz without any trouble. The captain then went and got the bible and read it. This was the first they that I had ever seen a bible i you life to know it from any other booklist but there was some thing in me that bore witness to it. This was the first time too, that I had ever heard of the Lord Jesus Christ. We know of Great being among us Indians but temple great & high Spirit as we called him (which I mentioned before) O how changed was I in feelings then I felt that I loved evb I loved the Red Man, the Black Man and  p21 the white man too: I knew no difference. I loved every going I prayed for every body. On every shore we landed whether on the Islands of the ocean in Africa,or America these lips never failed to tell what the Great Spirit had done for me and what a beauti­ful imag I had in my heart. If they could not understand I talked to them by signs as well as I could I would first point to my breast and then up to the great in Heaven makeing them understand as well as I could what he had done for me This is all that I can do and it is enough it while take me all the days of my life to tell it enough. The more I tell it the brighter the bett, and the newer it seems. It also seemed to me as though  p22 I could not hold this tongue I thought that I mjut tell every body. Sometimes when strangers came upon on ship board I would commence talking to them, about the Sorrow (as I had then learned to call him) Sometimes they would hardly take any notice of me: again others would tell me be gone you Indian I don't want to hear you. O thin I would pray for them and ask God to pardon their sins. The insta[nce] of one man in South Carolina I must tell you. I recollect that one Sunday I was walking I came up to where a sick man lived. He was one of these men who have a great many Slaves to till their land. I looked in the field a distance from the house and saw a number of these poor creatures working I thought at once that I would go to to their master and talk to him. Well I went along towards the house  p23 and I saw their master sitting upon the piazza of his house I spoke to him and asked him if he knew it was the sabath? he said yes. I asked why then do your slave work upon this holy day. Says he that is my own busines — be gone you Indian go back to your people and not meddle with the affairs of white men I told him that I onlyly wanted to talke to his Slaves about the Saviour and to pray with them and asked him if he would not call them out of the field that I might tell them of the goodness of God and what he had done for me. But he was very angry and bed me be gone. O says I old man how can you commit such sin against that being who has given you all that you have and preserved you all your days. Beside you are an old man your head is blossoming  p24 for the grave: you cannot expect to live but a few days at most and yet you will compell these poor men to break the Sabath. O aint you willing to go to hell alone must you compell this poor men to go along with you. But I could not prevail on huntsman! He bed me be gone Indian! and so I went off praying that God might change his heart. I had not gone far before a boy came running after crying come back Indian come back come back! master says so. I turned and went and found him walking his piazza to and fro in the greatest distress : his eyes were streaming with tears. He had called his slaves and they were seated near the pias Says he you may talk to them. I asked him to read in his bible first. He went and halled down all the booked he had in his but there was not a bible to be  p25 found amongst them. He started a boy off immediately to a neighbors on horseback for one. I then commenced talking them about The Saviour and what he had done for me. I told them how he had died for them, and that they must pray to God to forgive them, or they would be eternally miserable Thus I went on preaching to them as well as I could for some time. They gazed at me with astonishment as I told them all about Jesus Christ and his suffering for us poor guilty sinners and I verily believed was the first time that they ever heard such thing in all their lives. When I was done talking to them all good good by telling them to look to the Saviour. About three months (I think it was) after we landed our vessel near his residence and I went one morning to see him and dont you believe there he was in his hous with his slaves all around him pouring  p26 out his soul to going out in Prayer. O how he thanked me & it seemed as if he could not do enough for me. He offered ne a farm and slaves to till it but I told I did not wat his land , I seems want his slave: I wanted no reward but that which my father would give me if I continued faithful unto the end. O my dear brethren and sisters how much good we might all do if we we only would If instead of telling every thing we hear and picking flaws with one neighbour and making strife amongst them, we would exort them to forsake their sins ntun to God! if we would pray with and for them and never let them alone till they would come to the Saviour If at all times zzz we much a zzz we  p27 would warn him and ask him stand the case between you and your God; O how much better times would we have. Even in this city this Gospel city what a change there would be. O Brethren if you have friends if your friends if your Children pray for thimble plead with them to come to the Saviour. and Sisters too pray for your children! Rember the prayers of the poor heathen mother Like hers, your prayers may be blessed to the saving of your children. And now O sinners if there are any among you I would ask you how stand the case between you and your God. If you were to be called away this night what would be your condition! Think of these things and before you suffer you bodies to repose in sleep make your peace with God But some say how shal I know say some when my heart is changed: how can I tell O If the heart be effectually canged;  p28 if he be truly born of the spirit. I verily believe he will know it: there is something in this breast that bears witness to it and tells him that he is a child of God! And brethren if you have not this term in your hearts I warn you to make your peace with Good. Give your zzz no rest nor slumber to your eyelids till you know that you are a child of God. Remmber all that it must be your own work you may come & set upon this seat as long as you live and will do you no good. Your parents, your friends and you ministers can do nothing for you it must be as I said before your own work. The minister upon the walls of Zion can do nothing omtn to point out the ways to eternal happiness, the road to Heaven: but remember if you ever get there you must turn zzz way yourself and that through much tribulation  p29 There are many things in the way of the christian he has the world to contend with; he has the Devil to contend with and worst of all his own wicked heart. I find that the worst enemy that I have to contend with is my own heart. Sometimes before I am aware I begin to fell puffed up with pride: it seems wherever I go as though the white man thought so much of me and this before I know it sometimes makes me proud! O how I have to pray to keep down these feelings. O the christian must pray: if he dont his mind is soon led off I cant think of words to tell you what I and; so I will try to make it plain to your minds by a comparison It seems to me like a man in a boat out at sea with the tide against him if he puts down his oars, in a moment he begins to float with the tide; and if does not apply his oars again he will soon find himself far from the land  p30 and it will be with great toil zzz passed with much danger that he will again come to the land So it is with the christian who neglects to pull the oar of prayer O there are a great many things to lead men & christian men astray. And one of the greatest that I have seen is this thing called sectarianism. How much hard feeling and strife it brings with it. What bad examples too it caused to be set befor the world. Bad men see the Christians disporting with one another and they say once that there is nothing in religion. O I do not believe that sectarianism belongs to the religion of the Lord Jesus Christ at all. I believe that true christians are brothers wherever they zzz let them be of what name they will. They are all aiming for one place; they have but one captain  p31 at their head. And no matter whither Methodist, Baptist, Presbyterians, Lutherans, German Reform or whether they have any name at all or not, or whither they be White men black men or red men; I believe if their hearts be right and they do their duty here, that they all get to heaven at last and receive their reward. I come among you without any name I feel that I love you all no matter who you are if you only are Christians. In short I love everybody. Without a name I expect to leave you I am going to join the remnant of my brethren beyond the Mississippi in the forest of the Far west if the Lord spares me a few months longer. This blessed book in my hand (holding up the Bible) and the religion of the Saviour in my soul is enough for me. With them I can have the dangers of the forest the terrors of the tommyhock and scalping  p32 knife or the frowns of all the heathen in the world My only wish is to spend the few days I have to spend here on earth in the service of the Lord Duty calls me to my brethren the red men I shall go and spend my service and my life amongst them telling what the Lord has done for me, praying for them and zzz them to the Saviour. I have a mother there (Pray brethren that she may live till I get there) I have Brothers there I have Sisters there; I want to see them all converted and on their way to heaven. I want to see all the red men turning to the Lord. I cannot bear that anybody should be lost. If I get to heaven I want to meet every body there. But the time is near Brethren when I must part with you perhaps never to see you again upon earth. The thought pains my heart for O how kindly have the people of Easton  p33 treated me ever since my arrival here! it seems as though they could not do too much for me. Long will I remember you dear friends; and particularly you my brethren and sisters: often will strive to pour out my heart in prayer to God on your behalf. One poor woman who earned all her living by washing and paint hard work came to me yesterday morning and made me a present of a dollar; telling me that she was poor at the same time but that she was willing to give that for to aid me in my undertaking for my brethren if it would be of any service to me. I know not but it is may be here now if so I would say that it is not impossible but that that dollar may be a crown of one hundred souls upon her brow when she gets up to glory. Long shall I remember that good woman O you rich men how much good you might you might do with your money  p34 or that part of it which you do not need if you only would. How many bibles you might put into the hands of those who are not able to buy them for themselves How many starving souls among the poor heathen you might furnish with the bread of life! O Inhabitants of Easton think of these things Think while enjoying all the comforts which civilized life and a rich and fertile country afford that there are Illyrians of your race who are destitute of everything as it were knowing nothing of the Saviour nothing of the bible. Remember the African? remember the poor of your own country! Remember the Red man of the forest! He too has claims upon your benevolence — Dear friends do not get angry with me if I do speak plain for when I begin to speak upon the claims of my brethren I cannot help but think of the sufferings and the wrongs of the Indians  p35 my brethren! Once they were numerous! They were seen in all your forests and along all your rivers They once owned all your lands: but where are they now! they are nearly all ded! the pale faces have been driving them back farther and farther till their lands are nearly all taken away from them. O when I think of these things how can I help blaming the white man! How do I know but that the bones of some of my fathers are resting beneath the floor of this church. They had a burying place here once; and it was as likely to be here as any place es. I once thought that If ever I became a man I would go and revenge the treatment of my brethren I thought I could were a pale face let me catch him where I would: but I do not feel so now This religion of the Saviour has taught me to love every body; and to forgive everybody. I wish you  p36 and my greatest object is to do you good. I want not your lands I want not your houses; I want not your money; all that I ask is enough to carry me to my brethren and your hearty prayers to God for my success. I ask nothing more in this world than the necessaries of life I labour for no earthly reward I expect to suffer every thing a wilderness offers but death and that continually. But my reward lies at the end of the race. Perhaps a year or two will close my labours upon the earth: but the few days I have to live I want to spend in the service of my God. Two months will bring me (if my life be spared) upon the field of my labours; the pace of my warfare. I am going to fight like a good soldier in the cause of my Master. This Blessed Book (holding up the Bible) shall be my tommyhock and my arrow It will zzz in the face in the rear and on all sides. With it an  p37 and the assistance of God himself and my soul in the work I hope to win souls to the Saviour and be an instrument in the hands of God in saving many of my brethren from an eternal death. O remember me then dear brethren and let your prayers ascend to Heaven in my behalf. O the christian should pray always He should pray for hjsf; he should pray for his children; he should pray for every every body and that continually. God has said in his holy word that the prayer of the righteous man availeth much: and how knows the christian but that the prayers he is daily offering for his child; his neighbor or his friend will be richly answered in his soul's salvation. Remember the prayer of the poor heathen mother! Remember too how richly it was answered! A few thoughts more and I must zone! one in particular strikes me very forcibly It is this! This bible land; this free be enlightened land; strange as it may seem has  p38 very many in it who are truly heathen and the worst kind of heathen too they enjoy every thing that is necessary to make them comfortable and happy; they have barns they have houses they have lands and every thing that heart can wish, and yet they scarce think that God has bestowed all these upon them let alone to pour out their heart in thankfulness for Him for mercies so great! O his was I amazed astonished when I first came upon the shores of your Northern states and particularly when I entered the city of Philadelphia (which was the first city that ever I entered in the U. S. after I went to sea: for there was still a recollection of the past i nme and I feared that if I went on shore I should be killed) I was srruk with awe at the magnificence and the beauty of the structures of the pale faces But my astonishment was still greater when I beheld them in the enjoyment of them all  p39 and saw them so unthankful. I thought them worse than the poor benighted Indians for worked and ferocious as he is; still for the most trifling of favours he will look up to heaven and thank the great spirit for it. If he kiss a deer or any other game in the forest he ventures not to touch it till he has lifted up his soul in thankfulness to the Great Giver of all things for his kindness and regard. But not so I fear with many of you my dear friends Are you in health do you thank God for it! Are you in the enjoyment of all that is necessary to promote your happiness; are you wealthy; and do you thank God for all these things? or do you consider them yours gained by your needy, or right of inheritance without any indebtedness to God! If so think of your ingratitude: for of a truth, a Bounteous Providence has bestowed them all upon you and you are responsible; yes doubly responsible: for the many  p40 in [zzz?] which you enjoy, and put them to use O you who live in splendor and at your ease think of these things!

But a word to the children With pleasure have I noticed the good conduct an close attention of these dear children, it seems as though they had drank in every word that I have said. Let me go where I will I can tell them of the attention an pretty behaviour of the children of Easton! Yes children when I look around upon you I cannot help but feel deeply for your welfare! You my little boys must soon fill the places of your fathers they will soon be in their graves and you must take their places and perform the duties which they now perform. Little girls too how must you take the place of your mothers. O strive to be good child that you may grow up good men and women. Shun all bad company keep away from those places where they sell fire water for they can do you no good there. Do not swear or cheat of the steal  p41 or lie; Obey your parents, love your brothers and sisters; keep the holy Sabbath; read your Bibles and attend the sabbath school, and the church. Strive to do what is right and prepare for Heaven that you may meet your dear good parents and all other good people there! Should I get to Heaven children I want to meet you all there. I cannot bear the thought that any of your precious souls should be lost! but believe me children if you live wickedly you cannot die happily; and where God and the righteous are you can never go ——— * *

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