Monday. We have a new mechanics professor. He is a darb. Never have I seen a man more whole-heartedly devoted to the sciences of were-wolvery and plain, fancy, nasty motion. My other wife, who usually when sent to the black board just stands there blowing bubbles and running his fingernails up and down the board, is completely cowed. Today he ran out of chalk and wore down two joints of his little finger rather than fall behind in his work.
Tuesday. We attended Practical Military Engineering today. First we were instructed in the art of tying knots. I was considerably handicapped by being given a rope that was alive. At any rate that is the only way I can explain the fact that I suddenly found myself an integral part of a bowline on a light. Besides, it rattled at me. After knot‑tying instruction we built rafts. In this process it was deemed necessary for some of us to don boots. This I did after removing three fish and the left foot of the previous occupant from my pair.
Wednesday. I have been in theatre panics that were tame compared to the Area these days. Today a plebe fell down on the steam grating and before anyone could halt the Squad he had been reduced to the consistency of fine Parmesan. If the T. D. continues its energetic efforts to improve us we will cease to walk the Area. Instead we will merely stand it. The Mess Hall has discovered a new vegetable. Maybe my other wife will now believe that other things besides broccoli do grow in this world. For some reason he has developed the idea that grass is little broccoli, trees are giant broccoli, and flowers colored broccoli.
Thursday. Today in Practical Military Engineering we built a bridge. Due to my carelessly working near to my sane wife I learned that the phrase, "nailed to the spot" can have a literal meaning.
". . . that phrase, 'nailed to the spot,' can have a literal meaning."
Friday. I have risen to the rank of official of Intramural basketball and have thus gained new insight into what I believe is called the competitive spirit. Cadets whom I know to be otherwise kind and pleasant upon the basketball court become slavering monomaniacs desiring only to wallow in blood. And when one in one's official capacity remonstrates generally with them for gnawing at an opponent's throat, they ask insulting questions concerning one's eyesight and honesty; and if one is not quick enough, kick one in middle of one's abdomen.
Saturday. We are to emboat for New York in a few minutes for the Columbia game. If my sane wife continues to troll deep sea chanteys or if he emits one more "avast" I am going to eviscerate him. My other wife, displaying more imagination than I believed him capable of, has been seasick since early last night. This promises to be a hectic trip.
Sunday. The trip was most enjoyable. The boat ride very nearly finished my other wife and with any luck he should die in horrible agony on the Notre Dame trip. I passed a pleasant evening whooping it up with a bunch of the boys in Schrafft's. And to whom it may concern, I can produce witnesses to prove it if need be. No one was forced to take a stroll along that plank so significantly attached to the top deck of our staunch vessel, but one can not be too careful. Remember, the Shadow knows. Or if he does not he can always burn someone's feet until he finds out.
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The Collected Works of Ducrot Pepys
History of West Point
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Page updated: 16 Aug 12