Monday. Some misguided person sent my other wife a chemical set for Christmas. The results are superlatively disagreeable. He is now busily engaged trying to transmute the baser elements into gold. The room is filled with a constant crash of breaking glass and shrieks of rage as his experiments go wrong. I fear me that he will destroy us all.
Tuesday. This afternoon a particularly violent explosion did completely ruin my other wife's chemistry set. This explosion also left him slightly shell-shocked. He sat around gibbering for awhile but soon recovered enough to blame me and my sane wife for the whole sordid affair.
Wednesday. Today I have fulfilled a lifelong ambition and at last I have broken into the hospital. Due to an unusually violent Gym period and what‑not I have developed a taking in my lungs which this morning was sufficiently bad to gain me admission to this haven. My roommates came over to see me this afternoon. My sane wife brought me my breast-plate and a blitz cloth so I would have something to do. My other wife behaved very badly. He was wearing a black crepe arm band and was weeping copiously. He told me not to worry and then broke down completely and had to be led out, howling eeriely. So to sleep most melancholy, thinking upon how all flesh is grass etc.
Thursday. I wish they would start feeding me. Soup and milk may be a healthful diet but it is scarcely a sustaining one. There is great rivalry in temperatures here. A man with 102 degrees is looked up to and respected. Some of the gayer spirits have been getting up a pool on the temperatures of the ward.
Friday. A very unfortunate thing has happened. I am well and will be tossed out of here tomorrow. My sane wife was over. He says that my other wife has somehow gotten the idea that I am dead and he is quite inconsolable.
Saturday. This was a horrible day to come out of the hospital on. Just in time for S. I. and I had nothing polished. Also my other wife cowers in a corner muttering prayers whenever I come into the room. It is all very unnerving.
Sunday. My other wife has at last become reconciled to the fact I am alive and is his old nasty self again. I hope something horrible happens to him.
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The Collected Works of Ducrot Pepys
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Page updated: 16 Aug 12